I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships, so will our healing,
and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside.

Friday, August 30, 2013

Current Obsessions, August Edition


If you’ve spent much time with me at all, you probably know how much I love reading other people’s blogs.  It’s kind of like someone giving me permission to read their diary, because people tend to be more honest on the internet than they would in real life, hiding behind a perceived curtain of anonymity.  I love stories about real people, and reading blogs gives me little glimpses into the lives and stories of men and women who, like me, write in order to make sense of life. 

The subscriptions on my blog reader range from the day-to-day accounts of real-life friends, to the musings of well-known, modern-day theologians and students of culture, to snarky tumblrs that find the snippets of humor in everything from grad school to singleness to pastoring.  I read a lot about culture and theology and the millennial generation and women in church ministry, and in my reading I find a lot of perspectives I agree with and many others that I don’t.  I appreciate reading the words of intelligent people who fall on a different side of controversial issues than I do, because it makes me have to think hard, do my research, and really study Scripture to find answers, rather than just accepting opinions blindly.

But all of that to say, several of my favorite blogs do something fun where they share what they’ve been reading/watching/listening to on a regular basis (once a month, once a week, every once in a while, etc.) and I decided to give it a try!  I’m titling it “Current Obsessions” for a couple reasons.  First of all, when I find a new thing I like, I get a bit obsessed with it.  Examples: playing songs on repeat until I can’t stand them anymore, watching an entire season of a new show on Netflix in a very, ahem, short amount of time, or transporting myself into an alternate reality with a book series that I can’t put down until I’ve simply run out of pages to read.  Also, “Current Obsessions” is the title of my iTunes playlist where all my fun, new music lives.  This playlist is constantly changing as I shuffle songs in and out of it based on what genre or artist I currently can’t live without.  So without further ado, I present:

Carrie’s Current Obsessions, August 2013 Edition

WHAT I'M READING

In all honesty, August was a slim month in the book department.  With the madness of RA training and the beginning of school, reading fell to the bottom of my to-do list.  I'm still hoping to complete my "50 Books in 2013" challenge, but we'll see how the rest of the semester pans out.  I may be scrambling over Christmas break trying to log pages before the year ends!


I've been working through Spiritual Leadership by J. Oswald Sanders whenever I have a chance (or when I'm logging long hours in the local ER with students!) and it's definitely one of those books that I'm having to read slowly with a highlighter and pencil in hand to soak in all the wisdom contained in its pages.  I was assigned this book to read for one of my practicum classes in college, and I'm really enjoying getting to read it again.  The leadership principles are so applicable to everyday life, even for those who would not consider themselves to be in leadership roles.  The things I'm learning from this book are applicable to any believer who is trying follow Jesus holistically.



I haven't started this book yet, but it's one I will be going through with a group of RAs this semester.  I can't wait to start reading and discussing it though, so stay tuned for my thoughts!

WHAT I'M WATCHING


I don't know how I've made it through 24 years of life without watching Friends, but I'm making up for it now!  My friend Suzie owns all 10 seasons, so I started borrowing them from her bit by bit over the summer and yes, I've totally jumped on the Friends bandwagon.  So. Stinking. Funny.  

And to all my friends who have told me over the years that I'm "Monica," I get it now.  It's nice to have a TV personality who shares my OCD-tendencies.



Guys, it's the most wonderful time of the year.  Yes, it's football season!  I've been watching a lot of my man Russell Wilson and the Seahawks kicking some rear in the pre-season, and I can't wait for the real games to start next week.  GO HAWKS!

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO

I used to think that Lewis County was the Mecca of country music, but I have been proven wrong.  Lewis County was close enough to Seattle and Portland to have a good smattering of indie/folk and hip hop/rap influences thrown into the mix, but I have never experienced country music like I have in southwest Missouri.  It's nearly impossible to find a non-country radio station.  


That being said, my musical obsessions as of late continue to be all over the map, ranging from Love and Theft (I listen to "Angel Eyes" on repeat!), Andy Grammer, Macklemore, and of course, the hauntingly beautiful new Civil Wars album, with some Eminem thrown in for good measure on my workout playlist.  Because Eminem always makes me run a little faster.



And finally, "One Thing Remains" by Jesus Culture has been my go-to song this summer.  So so good.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Learning Dependence

Lord I come, I confess
bowing here I find my rest
without You I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart

Lord I need You, oh I need You
every hour I need You
my one defense, my righteousness
oh God how I need You

where sin runs deep Your grace is more
where grace is found is where You are
and where You are Lord I am free
holiness is Christ in me

Lord I need You oh I need You
every hour I need You
my one defense, my righteousness
oh God how I need You

teach my song to rise to You
when temptation comes my way
and when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay

Lord I need You oh I need You
every hour I need You
my one defense, my righteousness
oh God how I need You

You're my one defense, my righteousness
oh God how I need You


Saturday, July 6, 2013

Life Changing Moments

Every once in a while there comes a moment that drastically changes the rest of your life.  Maybe it was a phone call or a decision or a conversation.  Maybe you realized the gravity of the moment right then, or maybe you didn't.  Maybe the moment brought good change or devastating change.  But looking back, you can trace much of where you are today to that one moment.

For me, one of those moments was a phone call on August 8, 2009.

It was a Saturday.  I had just gotten back from youth camp the day before and hadn't even finished my camp laundry yet. I was wrapping up a fantastic summer that I'd spent working as an intern at my home church.  I'd gotten the opportunity to work at several camps, lead a mission trip back to a place that was very special to me, be a bridesmaid in a dear friend's wedding, take a music festival road trip with my best friend, and I was exhausted, sunburned, and very happy.  In a few weeks I would head back to school in Oregon to start my junior year of college, and I was looking forward to seeing school friends again and moving back into the dorms.

 Basin City Mission Trip 2009

 Best Friend Roadtrip/Music Festival Trip 2009

 Kids Camp 2009

 "The River Runs Through It" Camp 2009

Linnea's Wedding - July 19, 2009

I was putzing around the house, doing laundry, and starting to think about packing to go back to school, when the phone rang. My mom answered it and hollered up the stairs that it was for me.  

"It's someone named Pam Horton from Corban," she said.

My first reaction was panic.  Pam was the Resident Director of the dorm I lived in at school, and I had no idea why she would be calling me at home during the summer.  Was there something wrong with my housing assignment?  Was I still going to able to room with my beloved roomie, Kelli?  Was I in trouble?

I apprehensively answered the phone, and Pam got right to the point.  "We unexpectedly have an open RA position.  Would you be interested in being a Balyo RA for us this year?"

To say I was surprised would have been an understatement.  I had considered applying for an RA position the previous spring, but when I realized that RA training would overlap with my internship, I never turned in an application.  It turned out that one of the gals who had been hired for the position had developed some mysterious health problems over the summer.  She had started training with her team, but realized after a few days that physically she wasn't going to be able to fulfill the position, so Pam had asked the RA team for suggestions of who might be able to fill the open spot.  My RA, Madison, had suggested me or my roommate Kelli.

Me, Kelli and Madison - Fall 2008

Pam had actually called and offered the position to both Kelli and I, (which she realized later could have been very awkward!) and told us to discuss it with each other and decide which of us wanted the position.  After hanging up the phone I sent off a couple of frantic "Please pray!  I just got offered an amazing opportunity!" texts to friends and called my Roomie.  I think she was working or something, so we didn't connect until the next morning, and she called while I was driving to church.  Our conversation went something like this:

Me:  "Hey Roomie, so do you want to be an RA?"
Kelli:  "Well, I would do it if you don't want to, but I'm going to be really busy with classes and my internship this year, so it would be a lot of extra work for me.  Do you want to do it?"
Me:  "Yeah, I think I do."
Kelli:  "Perfect!  You be the RA, and I'll be your roommate.  This is great!  We'll get a bigger room!"

Me and my dear Roomie - Fall 2009

And just like that, I became the Balyo First Floor North RA.  Two days later I moved into my dorm room and met my RA team for the first time.  Besides Madison and Kristy (who had been supposed to be my RA that year!) I didn't know anyone else on staff.  But as I walked into my new home, I was greeted with a bouquet of beautiful flowers and handwritten notes from the rest of my new team.  Each note spoke of how even though they hadn't known I was coming until just a few days prior, the Lord had known from the beginning that I would be the one to fill this spot in Balyo Hall, and they couldn't wait to see what adventures we would have in the year to come.  [Side note:  I still have all of those cards. They are so precious to me.]

Thus began one of the most amazing, hardest, uncomfortable, and wonderful experiences of my life.  The other members of my RA team became some of my very best friends.  We learned and laughed together, spent hours not doing homework and watching Lifetime movies in Pam's apartment, consistently kept up on who had a crush on who, and together we navigated the ups and downs of life and student leadership.

 Balyo and Davidson - Dedication Night 2009

 The Balyo Babes - Dedication Night 2009

 BAD - Christmas 2009

Awkward Family Photos - Christmas 2009

 Balyo Battles - Spring 2010

End-of-the-Year RA Outing - Spring 2010

At the end of one year of RA-ing, I realized that I loved my job so much I was willing to sacrifice another year of sleeping in on Saturday mornings to go to all-campus RA meetings.  A new year, a new team, a new RD, and a new hall brought new challenges and new joys.

 Balyo Babes - Dedication Night 2010

Balyo & Davidson - Dedication Night 2010

Senior RA's - Spring 2011

I don't know exactly when I decided that residence life was something I wanted to pursue as a career, but at some point I suddenly realized that I couldn't imagine myself doing anything else.  I loved building relationships with and discipling students and walking with them through their college years, and the idea that I could take a bit of what I'd experienced as an RA and turn it into a full-time job was mind-blowingly awesome. 

After two long years of applying for residence life positions all over the country, the Lord, in His perfect timing, opened the doors for me to become an RD in Missouri, over 2,000 miles away from home.  On the days when I am missing my family and friends and my beloved Cascade Mountains and Pacific Ocean, all I have to do is look at the crazy ride I've taken to get here, to this time and this place, and I am confident that I am exactly where the Lord wants me to be.  Yes, I know it will be challenging, hard, and frustrating at times, but I trust that it will also be an experience that will bring me joy and peace and growth as I follow where the Lord leads.

And to think, this all started with a phone call from Pam almost four years ago.

"Would you be interested in being a Balyo RA for us this year?"

And the rest, as they say, is history.

Pam & Carrie - Spring 2010

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Choosing Thankfulness

It's been one heck of a week.  There have been so many good and wonderful blessings that I've experienced since moving halfway across the country, but that could be a whole post of its own.  The most difficult aspect of my move has been my car search.  Who knew that it would be so hard to find a (not-ugly) car with reasonable miles within my price range?

(Granted, yes, I'm a bit of a picky car buyer.  My definition of "not-ugly" is rather specific, and I tend to think that 90% of cars manufactured after 2006 look like balloons, but I digress.)

After hours of Craigslist searching, many test drives, several promising deals falling through, and lots of hours discussing *ahem* prices with used car salesmen, in a fit of frustration, I agreed to a price on a 2002 Toyota RAV4.


I hadn't been particularly looking at the RAV4's, it was just one of several that I was going to look at while I was out car shopping in Springfield.  I was surprised when I actually liked it, and when I didn't find anything else promising, at the end of the day I made an offer on it.

The papers were signed, the check was written, and the dealer delivered it to my home. I drove it over to a friend's house to show it off, and on our way back from a celebratory trip to Dairy Queen, I noticed the transmission felt off.  It wasn't shifting smoothly, and on occasion the whole car would jerk and lose power before slamming back into drive.  

Not good for a car I'd only owned for two hours.

To make a long story short, there's a significant transmission problem with this year, make, and model, and the car needs some expensive trips to the mechanic.  Thankfully, my dealer has said that he is committed to getting it fixed for me at no cost, but it's been a stressful two days to say the least.  There were many many moments of unknown where all I could do was sit there and wonder how on earth I'd managed to buy such a screwed up car despite careful test drives and even having a mechanic check it before I bought it.  In the midst of it all though, there have been so many wonderful blessings, and I'm choosing to focus on those, mostly to keep myself from going completely crazy.  :)

  • Seriously, I've had the world's kindest mechanics. In the past week, I've talked to more mechanics than I've ever talked to in my life, and overwhelmingly, they have all been incredibly kind, helpful, and respectful.  And get this:  Not a single one has charged me a dime.  Seriously?!  How does that even happen?
  • I may have moved 2,000 miles away from home, but I somehow managed to move to a place where I still had family close by.  My aunt and uncle have been so incredibly gracious in allowing me to borrow their vehicles for the past month!  And today when I had to call my uncle to ask him if I could use his truck for a while longer because my new car was going to the shop, he said "No problem!" without a second's hesitation.  Family is such a blessing.
  • The Lord has provided quality friends here who have been such a wonderful support throughout all of this! These people have not only cared about my crazy situation and prayed for wisdom and guidance for me, but they have willingly gone on test drives with me, helped me set up mechanic appointments, been willing to be second drivers as I have shuffled cars all over creation, and have been such an encouragement in a time when I could have felt really alone. It's a beautiful thing to see the body of Christ loving and serving each other.  I hope and pray that I can be that kind of support and encouragement for others as well.
  • My daddy is my hero.  This man has tirelessly searched Craigslist for the past month and walked me through test drives, dealing with used car dealers, and how to pick a mechanic, all from the other side of the country.  It's a good thing we have lots of rollover cell phone minutes, cause we're not leaving any to waste.  I know it's making him crazy to not be able to be here, helping me pick a car, and especially dealing with having bought a lemon, but I certainly couldn't have made it this far without his hours of research and wise advice. I love you, dad.
  • Gas is $3.24 a gallon. For this west coast girl who comes from a place where gas prices are among the highest in the nation, I can't get over how "cheap" it is to fill up out here.  Everything is far away from where I live, so the cheaper it is for me to make trips to mechanics and dealers, the better.  It's the little things.
  • I've learned so much!  In the past two weeks, I've gained so much knowledge about buying cars, researching cars, negotiating prices, finding a good mechanic who is not my dad, my brother, or my best friend's dad, and as of the last two days, transmissions!  I love to learn, and looking at this whole ordeal as a learning experience makes it seem just an itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-bit worth it.
  • My dealer seems to be an honest guy who is committed to getting my car fixed. Legally, he could have easily said, "Sorry!  You bought it, this sucks for you!" but from my interactions with him, it seems like he is willing to make things right and keep me a happy customer.  This is huge. 

And there are more, but these are the big ones.  When I get frustrated about still not having a car and still having to borrow vehicles and omigosh, I just made the most expensive mistake of my life and wow I really suck at being an adult, I'm trying to remind myself of these things.  The Lord has taken good care of me in the past, and I know that He's not gonna quit now!

Your love never fails / it never gives up / it never runs out on me!

Sunday, January 6, 2013

24 Life Lessons by Age 24



As my 24th birthday came and went this past weekend, I spent some time thinking about some of the things I've learned over the past twenty-four years - things that I think would be useful for my nieces and nephews to learn before they get to be twenty four.  :)  Some of these things I learned from other people, but a lot of them I learned from my own experiences . . . often through my own mistakes.

However, a word of disclaimer:  I do not claim to have learned these lessons perfectly or completely.  I am still very much a work in progress!  This is simply a collection of good ideas and advice that I give to myself on a regular basis, and I have decided to share them with you!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

1.  Do what you say you'll do  If you want to be respected and known as a dependable and trustworthy person, follow through on your commitments.  This includes showing up where you say you'll be (on time!) and following through with what you've promised to do.

2.  Pray about everything.  All the time.  This is probably the #1 biggest thing that has changed my life in the past year.  Continual, ongoing conversation with Jesus brings so much joy, peace, grace, and wisdom to my life!

3.  Don't make decisions out of fear or exhaustion.  Everything looks radically different after a solid night of sleep, so don't make any major life decisions before you catch some zzz's!  In addition, learn to recognize how fear presents itself in your life, and resolve to make decisions based on the truth of God's Word, NOT on fear!

4.  Never pass up an opportunity to dance.

5.  When talking and/or listening to someone, do your best to give that person your full, undivided attention.  This applies to conversations both on the phone and in person.  Don't make the person feel unimportant by texting, interrupting, or having side conversations.

6.  Learn to drive a stick shift; you'll never regret learning this important skill!  If you're a girl, knowing how to drive a stick makes you feel super BA, and if you're a guy, it's a requirement in order to maintain possession of your Man Card.

7.  Read more books.  Watch less TV.

8.  Write letters.  I'm talking real pen-and-paper-letters here.  Postcards or notecards work too, just as long as its handwritten and in an envelope.  In our age of Facebook and texting, letter writing can seem like a dying art, but it can honestly do so much to brighten someone's day.  Plus they're really fun to receive too.  :)

9.  Be thankful for the big things, the small things, and everything in between.  Even when it's hard, find joy in all the details of life.

10.  Smile at strangers when you're walking down the street.

11.  Share your lunch with a homeless person.

12.  Stick with your sports team in the good years AND the "building" years.  Wins will be that much sweeter when you've been a faithful fan through the drought.

13.  Even if you're an extravert, intentionally schedule time to spend alone.  You need it, and God likes to speak to us in the stillness and the quiet.  

14.  Don't be mean.  I realize this is rather broad, but just don't do it.  Look for ways to give people the benefit of the doubt.

15.  Don't believe the Les Schwab guys when they tell you that your car will probably disintegrate into a thousand pieces on your way home.  They are usually exaggerating.  Drive your car home and ask your dad or your brother for a second opinion.

16.  Learn to say no.  Not just to drugs, but to good things as well.  You are not superman; you cannot be involved in every good thing that crosses your path.  Choose carefully which things you commit yourself to, and strive to give your very best to those things.

17.  Discover the love languages of the people closest to you and learn to speak their language fluently.

18.  You'll never outgrow taking naps.

19.  Keep your checkbook balanced.  Always know how much money you have, and don't spend more than that amount.  Period.

20.  When going on a road trip, pick your driving buddy(s) carefully.  The people you're with can make or break a road trip.  

21.  Take a chance.  Go somewhere you've never been.  Say hi to someone you've never met.  Try something you've never done.

22.  Don't be a party pooper.  Find the joy and the fun in every situation.

23.  Learn to cook.  You don't have to be a five star chef, but know how to follow a recipe, learn how to make the basics, (spaghetti, hamburgers, and chocolate chip cookies) and you'll never starve.

24.  Your relationship with Jesus is THE MOST IMPORTANT relationship in your life.  Spend lots of time intentionally working on and investing in that relationship, just like you would in an important human relationship.