Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

Every year I desire and intend to observe and celebrate Advent in a meaningful way, but every year I get so caught up in the hustle and the bustle and the busy and, in my line of work, the end-of-semester-craziness, that suddenly December 25^th has come and gone and I’m left feeling empty and saddened that once again, I let the Christmas season pass me by.

Advent and I have had a rather up-and-down relationship. As a child, I didn’t appreciate the meaning and rich tradition behind a season devoted to waiting and anticipating, and to me it was a weird church thing that my family participated in, but my friends’ families didn’t.  As an adult, I’ve come to more fully appreciate taking time to observe and be present in seasons of preparation, whether that’s getting ready for a specific date on the calendar or enduring valuing seasons of waiting that lead into new chapters in my life. This week I’ve had a little bit of time to think and read about Advent, and I’ve been struck anew by the rich anticipation and mystery of this season.

As a kid, those four weeks leading up to Christmas seem to last forever. Amid the cookie baking and the shopping and the decorating and the wrapping, the days between the lighting of each new candle seem to drag on and on. But how much more did it drag on for Israel, anxiously awaiting not presents under the tree, but for the Messiah? The waiting had been going on not for weeks, but for centuries. They had endured many trials such as captivity and control by enemy nations, all the while desperately clinging to the promise that God would make good on His word and send a Savior.

They didn’t even know exactly what they were waiting for: a Messiah, yes, but how would He arrive? When would He arrive? What would be His solution to the pain and problems they faced? It was all a mystery: a beautiful, glorious mystery that forced them to release control and trust that God would do what He had promised, in His way and in His time.

Then finally – after so many years, and countless hardships – He came. But no one could have imagined or predicted how God would choose to fulfill that promise of long ago.

An unwed teenage mother.

A dirty stable in an insignificant little town.

A group of lowly shepherds.

A tiny, helpless baby.           

Not exactly the powerful military savior they were expecting. As He seems to love to do, the Father shattered all expectations of what this Savior would look like and what He would come to do. Rather than staging a military assault, Jesus showed and preached love to our neighbors. Rather than enforcing the old law, Jesus brought grace. Rather than wielding the power He absolutely possessed or claiming the fame and recognition He so rightly deserved, Jesus came in the most helpless, dependent form we could fathom: a baby.

How often do I expect the Lord to show up or move in a certain form or fashion, then get frustrated when He, in his infinite wisdom, chooses to do things differently? How often do I get impatient in the seasons of waiting, when things just aren’t moving fast enough for me, when He is a God who works completely outside of my world bound by time? How often do I demand to know the details and beg to see the next steps when He is asking me to instead embrace the mystery and learn to trust Him more?

Anticipation.

Uncertainty.

Mystery.

Waiting.

Hope.

Fulfilled promises.

I’m learning (slowly) to be fully present in the waiting. To release control. To embrace the mystery. To appreciate Advent, and not just Christmas. To more deeply worship the Savior who chose to save the world not through power, but through the humility of a helpless baby.

O come, O come, Emmanuel

And ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of God appear

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, O Israel

9.11.01 Remember

I can still remember how it felt waking up to my mom panicking on that September morning thirteen years ago.

I remember listening to the radio and not being quite sure what was going on, but I remember being scared and confused as I rode my bike to the hardware store to go to work.

I remember sitting behind the front counter at work with my laptop hooked up to the dial-up internet trying to watch choppy news videos and refreshing the constantly updated front-page article on CNN.com.

I remember having a conversation with an old timer who was one of my first customers that morning, and while I don't remember what was said, I remember him being very somber and serious, and slowly realizing that life as I knew it in America was never going to be the same.

I remember the town being very quiet that morning, like my whole world was mourning.

I remember finding out that my big brother was in Washington D.C., realizing that we didn't know if he was safe, and waiting anxiously all day to hear if he was ok.

I remember the fire station sirens going off at noon that day and the subsequent the moment of silence for all those who had been lost.

I remember seeing our nation come together like I had never seen before (and haven't seen since), and recognizing the power of tragedy to bring unlikely people together.

September 11, 2001 is my generation's defining moment. Our Pearl Harbor. It's the day that we all have a story of where we were and what we were doing when we heard the news. It's hard to believe it's been thirteen years because I still remember it so vividly, but here we are.

I am so thankful for those who sacrifice every day to protect us and the freedoms we hold so dear, for those who daily put themselves in harm's way to keep us safe. Thank you.

13 Highlights of 2013

It's hard to believe another year has passed, and I'm spending the first day of 2014 reflecting on my highlights from the past 365 days.  It was an adventure-filled year for sure, and the past six months have proven to be some of the best and hardest of my life thus far.

1.  In January, the Lord opened the doors for me to start grad school at Golden Gate Baptist Theological Seminary's extension campus in Vancouver. I was giddy at the prospect of going back to school, and my class on Tuesday mornings was the highlight of my week. My semester at Golden Gate was an incredible experience, and even though it's been put on hold during this current season of my life, I'm looking forward to completing my degree in the future.

2.  As a belated birthday present, Rochelle took me to see the Harlem Globetrotters in Portland for my 24th birthday. I'm sensing basketball-themed celebrations to my past couple of birthdays, wouldn't you agree?

3.  After college, I lived with three incredible roommates for a summer, and the four of us have continued to stay in touch and be actively involved in each others lives ever since.  Meeting Michelle's beautiful little girl Ellianna for the first time in March just warmed my auntie-heart, and having the four of us together again reminded me just how much of a blessing these women are in my life.

4.  In April, my amazing big sister organized a team to participate in the MS Walk 2013.  Despite pouring rain and frigid temperatures, our team showed up in full force, raised over $1000 for MS research, and my sis won a well-deserved award for organizing the "Rookie Team of the Year"!  It was awesome to see the love and support from so many people as we did what we could to fight against the disease that has had such a huge impact on our family. 

5.  Also in April, worship leader Jaime Jamgochian came to TFBC, and my friend Sean and I got to have lunch with her before her concert.  It was so cool to get to spend some time with someone who is passionately following the Lord as a single woman, and I was deeply encouraged by our conversations!

6.  Cheesy as it may sound, I took a whirlwind 24-hour trip to SW Missouri at the beginning of May that changed my life. It was my first visit to SBU for an on-site interview for a Resident Director position there, and little did I know that place would soon become my home.

7.  As a result of that 24-hour interview/trip, I accepted the job and packed my life into a U-Haul to be shipped across the country.

8.  But before I headed east, I squeezed in one more trip to sunny Southern California to celebrate Alise's college graduation/commissioning into the US Army.

9.  I officially moved to Missouri in June, and spent the summer car shopping, settling in, sweating a lot, making friends, and acclimating to a new culture and new location.  I finally bought a car (well, two actually, but that's a long story!) and prepared for the start of the school year.

10.  August brought the official start of my job, the fall months consisted of RA training, the beginning of the semester, and surviving my first Homecoming.

11.  The Seattle Seahawks took the NFL by storm this fall, and when they visited St. Louis in October, I was there, cheering like the super-fan that I am!  We narrowly pulled off the win, but the highlight of the night had to be meeting Russell Wilson and Golden Tate after the game!

12.  After almost seven months in the midwest, I headed back to the west coast for Christmas. It was a packed few weeks including a roomie reunion, a wedding, and a trip to the beach!

13.  But of course the highlight of Christmas vacation was spending time with my crazy family.  We got entire-family pictures taken for the first time (ever!) by the wonderful and talented d.louise photography and spending time with these lovely people was the perfect way to draw 2013 to a close.

2013 was chock full of change - both hard and beautiful.  I think I've grown and learned more in the past six months than in the past six years combined, and I won't lie about the fact that most of the time that growth hurt - a lot!  But I'm looking forward to continued growth in 2014 and seeing what exciting adventures the Lord has in store for this year!